One year ago, I attended my first blog conference. I was by myself with 300 other bloggers and I felt so alone. I was so self-conscious that when I accidentally put a candy wrapper in my mouth, I just ate it. I was the lonely girl eating garbage. I had no idea what blog conferences were like so I was unprepared, but even if I had prepared I was too nervous to network anyway. There were women there having a great time with friends or new acquaintances. They took advantage of the SWAG, sponsors, and one-on-one help. They enjoyed the food and the photo props and even danced. Oh man, it looked fun.
I blog because I like to. I don’t know how to make money doing it. I don’t even know how to get more people interested in following me. I wish I was like the better bloggers but I’m not.
After the conference, I learned I was expecting. If there’s ever a way to spend time comparing yourself to other women, be pregnant. “My cousin… My sister…. When I…. You don’t look…. You’re not going to…. Why are you going to….” Not only is your mind going crazy thinking about everything while your body is changing in ways you never thought possible, people have the audacity to ask questions?!
It’s no one’s business how or why I had a baby, how I planned to get her out of me, or why or how I’m going to take care of her.
Every day, my husband questions some random thing I did. Which is fair. Why is there candy corn on the kids’ dinner plates? Why did I go to Maverik twice today? And, my answer is always the same. “My name is Jubb.”
I like to be me.
I like to do things the way I do them. It’s not usually the most responsible or economical way, but that’s what I do.
Think about all the people you like. Do you like them because they blend in or because, in one way or another, they stand out?
Every day, I’m going to try to be a better me and worry less about “her;” The women I compare myself to – the ones who seem to have their lives together and know how to use their time to get things done. I’m not going to worry about the clothes or bodies other women have. I’m happy with what I have and my body just got done doing some good work. It has a little different shape but that’s okay.
I’m going to try harder to be more proud of myself and stand tall. Who I am may not be for everyone but I’m not going to change or hide who I am.
I’m going to try harder to remember who I am and wear a crown. I am a good Jubb just the way I am. I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister and I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I’m going to try harder to be more patient and kind. I can be sweet and still be assertive. It doesn’t take anything away from me to give a little more.