When I was young I used to play a game at recess with some of my friends called the “Would You Rather” game. I am sure a lot of you have played it. We would sit around in a circle and ask each other ridiculous questions like “Would you rather have toilet paper stuck to your butt all day or lick the bottom of your dad’s feet!” or “Would you rather kiss Brian from the Backstreet Boys five times or be married to Justin Timberlake (duh….kiss Brian)?”

I had an experience that reminded me of this game several months ago. I was eating lunch with a friend who had been struggling with infertility and she has not been able to get pregnant. I, too, have struggled with infertility. I have been able to have one child; but, have not been able to get pregnant again. We were both venting about our struggles and she said to me, “Yeah, well at least you have had a child…..so you really have nothing to complain about.”

All the sudden it was like I was playing the “Would You Rather” game. Amber (imagine that cheesy game-show hosts voice)….Would you rather have one child and know how amazing that is and then struggle to have another OR would you rather have no children and be able to travel the world….What will you pick? Amber….would you rather be told by your OB-GYN that you are not able to pregnant OR be able to get pregnant and have miscarriage after miscarriage. Like, really? How about I would rather have a baby whenever I want to and so would everyone else.

Infertility is painful and emotionally draining, no matter what the issues are! Of course, I am grateful that I have my son. I know how lucky I am to have him! Does having a child make my pain dealing with infertility less valid, though? Infertility on any level is hard.

All of us infertiles could play the “would you rather game” with someone because there is always someone who has it harder or has it easier than we do. How about, we don’t play that game when it comes to infertility. How about, instead, we listen to each other. How about we pray for each other. How about we are kind to each other even if someone is better off than you.