“I hate fertile-Myrtles” is something I have heard often from women who struggle with infertility. Do I think they really “hate” them? No. The emotions and frustrations dealing with infertility are very real though. For me, infertility has been a trial that I have had; however, I have also been blessed with pregnancies.
Infertility, I think, is more common than people realize. I also think that it is not talked about as much as it should be. There are different levels of infertility (some women are able to get pregnant with the help of medications, surgery, artificial insemination or/and vitro fertilization and some women are not able to conceive at all). There are a bunch of different causes of infertility and sometimes it is even caused by problems with the male. There is one truth I know; if you want to be pregnant and you’re not it is emotionally painful.
When I found out I was pregnant with my 1st child I was so excited. One of my best friends got pregnant 2 months after me….which made things even better! Now we could be pregnant together. However; devastatingly, she lost that pregnancy early on. I noticed, almost immediately, that she treated me differently. I gave her some space for a few weeks and then once we were alone I brought up the tension between us.
I asked her to just get it all out, all her frustrations and feelings. She explained that she hated me. She told me that she knew her feelings were irrational; but, that she was upset that I was still pregnant and now she had to watch me go through my pregnancy. I listened to her and told her I loved her and that I knew her feelings were normal. I told her that we were still friends though and that we could get through it.
I am so grateful for that conversation. I think in the long run it made us better friends. She was able to get pregnant a few months after her miscarriage and carry the baby full term. Our kids are great friends and only 5 months apart.
I write this post because I wish as women we would pray for each other and try to be understanding of each other. I know so many infertile women who are resentful of their sisters or friends or co-workers because they are pregnant. I also know so many “fertile-myrtles” who don’t understand why their infertile sisters or friends or co-workers are resentful towards them for being pregnant.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could all take a step back and try to understand the other side? While dealing with infertility, myself, and have watched friend after friend get pregnant and have tried so hard to be happy for them. I have also been the friend that is pregnant and have had other friends upset that I am pregnant. Both situations are very hard.
It is normal for women with infertility to be frustrated, irrational, resentful and hormonal. I hope that women who are “fertile-Myrtles” will be patient, kind and understanding of us.
It is normal for a women who is pregnant to be excited, nervous, and hormonal. I hope that those of us with infertility problems can be kind and considerate of them.
The world would be a much better place if more women prayed for each other, even when it is hard to do so.