“I’m sorry to tell you, Amber, but once again you have not ovulated and it looks like you will not conceive again this month.” That is what my OB-GYN said to me on my sixteenth month of trying to get pregnant with my second child. I hadn’t ovulated in eight months, I had only one living ovary and it was covered in cysts and an inverted uterus. So apparently, in my situation it was quite hard to get pregnant.
I told my husband the gloomy news, once again, when I got home and he gave me a big hug and offered to cook. That night I was laying crying in bed and my husband was playing a game on his phone. I sat up and yelled, “Soooooo you don’t care?!?!? You have nothing to say? We are probably not going to be able to have another baby and you are just okay to go about your day?!?!”
Dave, my husband, looked at me with kind eyes and said, “This is hard. This is really hard; but, I decided several months ago that one of us had to stay stable and strong and I knew it wasn’t going to be you.”
Yes, he was right. I didn’t like that…..but it was true. I was a doped-up-on-hormones hot mess of a person. He sat up and rubbed my back until I fell asleep that night.
I have thought of that moment a lot since then. I completely forgot that infertility is hard for the guys too. The world would have you think it’s great for the guys. After all, they get to have sex all the time….right? Turns out….as I think about it….infertility is hell for them as well. Dealing with a hormonal and crazy woman who tracks your love life on a calendar and makes you perform like a trick pony (I mean, stallion) is probably not the ideal situation for a guy.
Also, although we are wired differently, men have feelings too. I know, I can’t believe it either. But they do. I know that infertility is hard for my man. He gets his hopes up too. He gets let down when the answer is still no. Just because he isn’t a blubbering mess like me….doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck.
So let’s hear for the boys in our lives! The ones that are dealing with infertility too….but are just a lot more stable doing it!